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I've hated this cat since he showed up on America's doorstep, begging for a handout, covered in fleas. I was a pretty big fan of hip-hop at the time, but his unimaginative lyrics and flow were wack. His videos sucked. His beats were lame. He was credited with creating an annoying little trick of speeding up the female backup vocals, which were sampled. Only problem, it existed before he ever recorded anything. It's super annoying, anyway! I've been doing my best to ignore him for over a decade, but he understands the publicity side of the biz all too well. He simply will never go away. There's no getting rid of him. He'll obviously do whatever it takes.

He makes me want to buy a leopardskin pillbox hat. I'll wear it to the grammies and his ass will be overwhelmed by the sheer coolness of my hat! He'll offer me a piece of bling as a supplicant but I won't accept it.

My only words to him will be, "don't f**k with Taylor Swift!"

Talbot