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Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:24 am
Yesterday I took a 29 year old man out to learn and see if he wanted to learn new skills in exchange for helping with the BULL WORK. Ya know moving heavy equipment around. I actually had an easy day a cleaning a service call and cutting in a bunch isolation valves on a boiler to separate a busted heating zone.

Let me explain, he is living with his divorced 2nd time married mother. She is probably going to lose the house. His real father was killed in a car accident a while back and that is how he ended up living at moms.

He told me he suffered anxiety caused by her moms 2nd husband. Abusive , threatening, an scary. I get it. That is why a court order had to be issued to get the step father out. That
I can't make this stuff up.

I thought I saw a spark of enthusiasm in him... He has no mechanical skills whatsoever. I was rebuilding car engines when I was sixteen. I'm a patient person and I apologize for using this forum as therapy. I appreciate the fire, intelligence , and sometimes serious thought all you bring here. I'm just commenting because I need to find 2 more people that can drive, install heating systems, and be aggressive overcoming any problems that come up.
There are very few available.

I just wonder how many more young folks out there are paralyzed by life.

Remember, smile while you still have all your teeth. :lol:
#282608 by GuitarMikeB
Wed Feb 07, 2018 2:40 pm
"Paralyzed by life" - good description for these 'kids' who have been babied and coddled (yes, and sometimes abused) their whole lives. I know its a 'different time' out there, but when I was young, if you wanted money, you worked for it - doing whatever you could at your age, mowing lawns, shoveling snow, delivering newspapers. I sold personalized greeting cards door-to-door in the cub scouts so I could get my first HO slot car racing set! In high school, I hitchhiked (and walked a lot) to band practice 3 miles away carrying my guitar until I was old enough to get a car (a beat up VW Bug with no heat, 4 dented fenders, and tires that needed air every couple of days). I see teens these days not even bothering to get a drivers license because their parents will chauffer them around everywhere. Or even worse - buy them an expensive SUV to cruise around in (and still not work).
#282618 by Ancient Vegan
Wed Feb 07, 2018 8:02 pm
I agree these are different times(we got lucky and grew up in the best of times), but I can't see throwing all the young kids "under the bus", they are growing up in a mean and rough world. I've never packed a gun at work before, but this year I will be packing, and right out in the open so you know it. Last year at the junk markets I saw so many people packing, showing their guns to everyone, it made me wonder just how many people are carrying but concealed?

These kids are growing up in a scary world (Hell I'm scared and I ain't scared of nothing), Glen it's a admirable thing your doing, but at 29 it's hard to change them (not impossible). With my kids who wouldn't even talk to me for a couple of years, I've been able to bring my family back together, and the one thought I used was always and all the time give them positive statements and encouragement about themselves. People will never forget the one bad thing you say about them so you have to say a 1000 positive things( also give them lots of presents and money) they're my kids and I wanted them back in my life. I sure worry about the kinda world we are leaving for my grandson!
Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:00 am
Mike that was an extremely compassionate and intelligent post. Thank you!
Hey Vegan. I don't know you, but there were many good words written in your post. I would never throw a young person under the bus. Heck when all the programs like education are not doing the job of education...
I guess I'm lost because just paying taxes is not enough.

Just a funny side note. !2 years ago I needed some help with some boiler jobs on a part time basis. I told my wife I was going to local super market to find some help. She LAUGHED.
Any way at the market there was this young guy stocking shelves very diligently and doing it with a great work effort.
I asked him to help me and told I him what I needed. I told him it wasn't easy work. He didn't BLINK.
Anyway he turned out to be one of the finest young men you could ever meet. Last I heard he went to college and enlisted as a commissioned officer in the army. What a great young man.

Hey Mike... My parents would never help me with my paper route no matter how cold or icy the roads were. When they were not around because of work, I actually had to ride my bike ten ten miles to high school to try out for JV football.
I had to cut lawns and do anything to save up for my first guitar. We have stories don't we? Different time.

Thank you guys for your positive comments.
#282642 by MikeTalbot
Thu Feb 08, 2018 11:40 pm
I hated my paper rout with a passion and I hated it most on Thanksgiving. Damn those enormous papers.

But I was never stupid enough to ask my parents to help. They'd have laughed out loud.

After roughly four years of that I lucked into a job at a Drive in Theater and life got a bit better - I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn!

Fri Feb 09, 2018 10:12 am
I have a 350 lb water heater to change out today. I have this young man helping me. I am grateful because there is NO WAY I can pull it up the steps by myself. Shoot I must be getting old... 20 years ago I would have just picked it up and walked it out... Now I need a hand truck.

My son in law has been tremendous, when it comes to doing this sort of thing. BULL WORK. He is quite a bit younger...Add in all the skills I have helped him develop, to do this...But, I can't take him off of running the oil truck for even a few hours. Heck I need someone in my second truck right now... So let's see if this young guy has enough motivation to step up to the plate and try to get a base hit. I don't need a home run... Just a base hit.
Otherwise I am going to have to shopping at the supermarket again.

I hope this young man is able to understand how tough it is to overcome any problem you face, and even better yet how important it is to overcome any problems you face in life or even death. Maybe, that may be more important than learning how to turn a few wrenches.

I just don't have all the answers. I have been pushed further this past month then I have ever been. Honestly... I need 3 days off and a 40 degree day to take piggy out for a fun walk with my girl. Thanks for letting me unload.
#282645 by GuitarMikeB
Fri Feb 09, 2018 1:31 pm
Supposed to warm up this weekend!
Fri Feb 09, 2018 10:25 pm
Of course I got the job done... I don't want to explain.
I saw a spark in this guy. Ain't gonna light a fire...
I don't know. Right now is the time to have a bunch of of type A males around. This may sound silly, but I need fearless young folks that understand they will make mistakes... AND YOU LEARN FROM THOSE MISTAKES.

He's good young man. I don't believe anyone has ever told him that. He doesn't do drugs, he has a drivers license, and he hasn't been able to hold any other job. What am I supposed to think? YET. This young person has been scared to point were he has no self confidence.
I'm starting to feel like 'The Bronx story' ,Old man trying to protect a young one.

Thanks for letting bitch. This goes on.
#282708 by The Adapters
Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:01 pm
it seems to me that parents today want to be friends with their kids more than parents. Sometimes you have to crack the whip, to get people moving in the right direction. A lost art.
#282735 by Ancient Vegan
Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:32 pm
I use to think " crack the whip " was the way to go, you know spare the rod......

But I do believe positive reinforcement accomplishes much more, and this makes everyone happy.
#282762 by GuitarMikeB
Wed Feb 14, 2018 2:23 pm
"Positive reinforcement"? Like 'everyone wins', and everyone gets a 'participation award'? 'You didn't lose, you got 26th place! here's your trophy!'
It can't be any different out there in the Midwest than it is here: spoiled kids of every age - temper tantrums in public, coddled and coerced with rewards and promises. When I was a kid it was 'wait until your father gets home!' And we knew what that meant, so we better get our asses in place and act correctly. Kids today are spoiled by the parents trying to be their friends, as Ted says. They'll drive them wherever they want to go, pick them up when they call to drive them to the next place or to come home. If the kid actually has enough ambition to get a drivers license (why bother if the parents will drive him everywhere?), they'll buy him a brand new SUV. College, sure co-sign loans for $25K or more a year. Kid drops out of college, sure, help him pay off the loan and let him live back in his old bedroom until he's 29 years old - for free.
I'm not saying that this is happening with ALL kids, but it sure is with a lot of them.
#282766 by Ancient Vegan
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:10 pm
Positive reinforcement in which no says anything bad about the other, praise what you do like and let go what you don't.

It's easy to say crack the whip, my Dad did till I took the whip away from him and then I wielded it.

My kids turned out well, thru no help from me, it was my wife, but I never laid a hand on them, nor let ANYONE else lay a hand on them.

This advice works in anything you do, always praise, there's enuff azzholes out there to point out the bad things. People will never (almost never) forget 1 bad thing you say and praise is fleeting so praise all the time. I do this with my grandson, and he's the finest young man I know.
#282801 by MikeTalbot
Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:08 pm
I spoke harshly to my stepson a whopping total of twice. In the second instance I had to tell his mother to leave the room. There is a huge difference between male and female discipline. He didn't need to hear that carping, he needed to know what to do and what the expectations were.

The poor kid was dying for discipline. I won't go into the details but once he thanked me for forbidding him to go on a trip where there would be no male guidance. Everybody else had approved it...

Hitting a child? i've done it. Once. And then the two of us sat and weeped together. It was one of the worst days of my life and there was no alternative but Lord God almighty I wish there had of been. (again, sparing you all the details) The poor girl was my grand daughter and has severe issues. She told me, "Papa, i don't want to be like this..." I pray for her every day of the week.

Thu Feb 15, 2018 1:51 am
Never hit my kids. The worst I ever did was ruin my little girls day of SNAPPER fishing off a local pier. I explained to her about cars that were parking on the pier and how careful she had to be... She was 4. She became enamored with a little boy on the other side of the pier. She wasn't listening and running back and forth. Broken heart? Not mine from having my little girl get hurt. Believe me when I say I wanted to give her a good swat on the bottom... She scared the bejucifers out of me... My little 4 year old precious.
That's it we are going home. She cried the whole way about wanting to go fishing with daddy.
Anyway I think she learned her lesson about cars. That fall we went pumpkin picking and she had her prized choice in hand. She dropped it and it rolled into the highway. She started to chase it and then she stopped. Good girl... You learned that lesson.
Hit anyone in my family... NEVER.
When I was 5 I had an angry young man that was a resentful stepfather. He grew out of it for the most part. But I can remember very well him hanging me by throat against the refrigerator as a young boy. It didn't damage me it only convinced me you NEVER hurt the people you love. I should have killed him... But that's not me. He is dead from old age anyway, so it is a mute point.

Any way bringing it back to the original topic, I realize even that stepfather was a young man in trouble. Even 60 years ago things were not easy... Life is not easy street. Work hard, be honest, love, and do the best you can.
I'm going to try and help this man as much as I can. He is just lost, and needs to find some direction... Or maybe some confidence.

Going the other way... If you are a big badass and you just want to bring it on.... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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