Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

So I was minding my own business last night and I get a phone call.

I missed it, I don't answer my phone much unless I know who it is.
I always tell people to "send me a text".

So I look at the number afterwards and it turns out it's a guy I used to work with. We had a falling out to say the least and it got about as ugly as I ever considered it to get, short of violence and blood shed.
(Yep, another body from the "ditch of life".)

I was fairly shocked and upset when I figured out who it was.
(I had tried to mend this fence before and it wasn't happening, so I just deleted his info and moved on for greener pastures. What else can you do when a situation becomes untenable?)

So about a half hour after that, he sends me an email.

Blah-blah-blah, he wants me to come and jam with him and his setup.
(triple take)(Really>? What's different now? What do you need from me that you can't get already from your new setup? "Nothing" is the answer to that. )

I really enjoyed working with him and valued him but he screwed me in a way that I still don't even really comprehend fully and I am paying the price even now.

He accused me of things I did not do or even think, but when I tried to talk to him about it, he was unavailable. I made my peace with it, as sometimes there are things in life that are beyond your control. And part of being a grown up is knowing your own limitations and realizing when people are unable to be saved from the fire(s)...

Of course, he probably thinks the same thing I do, as everyone thinks it's the other guy that is to blame. I am probably just as guilty of this type of thing as anyone else, but I really did try. It's difficult to take responsibility for things when it all goes wrong and I am no peach, but you people knew that much already. I HELD MY END OF THE BARGAIN, he did not.

But he damaged my psyche and confidence a little by being a jerk off/unpredictable and unreasonable.
And that I don't take that lightly or forgive easily, now or ever.

So reading between the lines, I am guessing they need someone to fill a slot, which isn't so bad I guess. But I have a sneaking suspicion that part of this is that someone is pushing him to contact me as I thought I would never hear from this individual again.

Worse yet, I think this might be a case of capable people looking for materials, and anyone I ever worked with knows I don't write for other people at this point, seeing as how I was treated in Manhattan and the last studio scenario unless it's a very specific, unique situation that basically does not exist at this time.

So I had a bad night, restless and sleep deprived, I keep thinking about my scarred ear. (shrugs)(I should have "bass stroked" that bitch into the crowd.)

But I am tempted to let him back in and let bygones be bygones...but

At the same time I think about the couple tunes that I had to sacrifice to appease the gods, so to speak and I'm seething with anger.

Even better, I never played with a 5 piece yet and really have no inclination to do so. If your guitarist is any good, you only need 1, period.

The only thing worse is if said individual thinks I am going to acquiesce and write materials with him and for them. (get a grip)

So just reading this, I feel like I am answering my own questions about whether this would be a valid move on my part to even consider his proposition.

When I tried to reason with this guy, he flatly refused and told me that it might not be "never" but would be a long time indeed. And although it's been a long time, it hasn't been long enough for my tastes. I still taste bitter all the way to my guts and this definitely upset me.

I knew the individual was upset at the time, as was I, but the response didn't match the stimulus and I fear the exact same thing going on again because history has a very unfunny way of repeating itself and that, my friends, is wholly unacceptable to me.

Someone might get capped the next time around.

So you want to grind me, here's your chance.

I write about this stuff because this dumpy sh*t haus of a forum is a release for a lot of things that mentally don't come to the surface and are otherwise internalized often and that's not good for me.

Other than that, I find that some things said on this forum are of a nature I wouldn't normally think of (My brain doesn't go all the way to the top floor right now, OUT OF ORDER.)

So I value what is written, said and attempt to give all positions credence and a valid look, no matter what I think because emotions are sometimes your worst enemy. I know I get out of control at times and realizing your own shortcomings can be a tremendous boon.

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self.

The conqueror of men is powerful;
The master of himself is strong.

It is wealth to be content;
It is willful to force one's way on others.

Endurance is to keep one's place;
Long life it is to die and not perish". - Tao Te Ching

You may be right about someone else forcing him to contact you - why don't you flat out ask him? "What made you call me?"

Guess it depends on what kind of music you are doing, but Blue Oyster Cult, the Outlaws, the Eagles and others never had a problem with 3 guitars in the band at once...

Scott

Reconciliation is a good thing. In this case however, you might want to wish him well and tell him a white lie about how you are tied up just now.

Or you could shoot him and then play with his band...

Talbot

That would be a hard call man.
I really do believe in forgiveness.
But unless he outright repented, confessed, and asked my forgiveness I'd likely keep that door closed.

I think I will ask him exactly that Mike, "what made you call me or try to contact me"?

I am majorly upset with this guy. I couldn't hide it if I tried to...

I only play in a 1 guitar setup.
Only need 1 bass, 1 keys, 1 drummer, multiple vocalists are my thing though.
Nothing better sounding to me than a 3 part harmony.

Play with his band? I'd be tempted to reconcile with him if I could trust him.
Trust is a huge issue with me. I just don't know who he is anymore.
I can't get over that one at all. The rest of those people mean nothing to me.

Nah he hasn't said much except he wants to jam and that make so very little sense to me, I am caught off guard.

You know I just want to say that when I got his email, it sent my head spinning. I've had a lot of difficulties of late. I find that I don't work well with people that act out of character, well at all and I am difficult to put it mildly. It may be weak of me, but I like people that are predictable character-wise and the rest are this unknown quantity that end up being difficult at a crucial moment.
I want to avoid that in the most dire sense. The crucial moment is too late to figure out that I am in over my head with someone else. (you'd think I knew better by now)

But you know, right after I wrote this, I was scared a little for a bit.
I thought about the way people seek me out at times to give me grief for whatever reason, like Crunchy and I just wanted to say thanks for being human. It really helped me to read what was written here. It really-really helped and I am not really used to that in general.

And when I get a little bit of good advice like this, I feel like my bmix extended family is working with me, not against me.
Because whether we know it or not, we are an extended family and everyone's successes are all of our successes, just like we own all our failures as well.

It's not us vs them, but it's the whole as opposed to the individual.
Something nice that you don't find every day.

You won't find that in NJ, check under all the rocks as well, you still won't find it.

Have you ever thought about getting out of Jersey permanently?

Just about every day of my life.

The trouble is once you leave, you can never afford to return.
You're really stuck when you go..

Drop the drama, either jam with the guy or don't. You're hurting yourself by holding a grudge (you know, taking poison and hoping it kills the other person) so it's time to move on. If the guy was a real jerk, what's the question? You have a band you play with, you don't need him, you don't owe him, I'm not sure what the deal is?

As far as not having more than 1 guitarist....I disagree 100%

"past history"

I am not holding a grudge, I am just not thinking that broken things magically mend themselves, they don't.

Poison? You are delusional.

The question is that it would have been good to work with him, but since you can't trust him, it's like getting VD off of a toilet seat. (If you get it, you can't blame anyone because you decided to sit down.)

I just didn't vocalize for some local pos that stuck his nose in late.

And I end up playing with a different bunch of cretins every weekend or so it seems. It would be really nice to get 1 solid line up going, but not at the expense of my sanity. f**k NO WAKE UP KID>.

As far as 1 guitarist, that's the way I roll.
When you can play, you do it your way.
If you are playing, you do what you know, if you know anything at all.

Who cares what you think..you need 5 drummers and a xylophone player if you think you do..stfu pos.

No music? what a surprise..another cheese ass.

Go work on your music, get at least 1 song out before you expire.

See, I wasn't really writing to be heard by you lil georgia mouse.
I got bmix family that knows better than some chump that just fell out of the cheap seats...that's who I was writing to.

I have to laugh, I read some of the sh*t people wrote on here.

And then I got asked to come play with this guy and his current setup.
(2 guitars)

Yea, I am still mad as f**k. The dill-hole cost us a recording contract of some sort but I kept thinking about that Georgia guy's comment about holding a grudge, so I bit my tongue and offered to chalk it up to a misunderstanding.

lol The other guy just dropped off the face of the earth.
The f**k never even bothered to write me back.

I guess it was either do it his way with 2 guitars or nothing.

And that suits me fine, "Certain people are in your past for a reason, and they should stay there". -Zar. You said a mouthful.

The guy from Georgia had me guessing but when this guy just stopped communicating because I wasn't going to do what he wanted, I knew I made the right choice.

It makes me wonder if I need to block his email and block the number on my phone.

Why is it that people wanna act badly and then later on make up?

I just like the work, but there's a better chance of getting a fist in the face than there is to act like a weasel and think I am going to go along with it.

Nope take your weasel ass back under whatever rock you crawled out from under and bother me no further.

Good luck with your band du jour and buh bye now. (hand waives you off)

Keep working with Mike and whatever crew you can find. (Fitzy and those fags)
I am sure you can do just as well without me.
But don't bother me anymore, you don't need to talk in my face unless you want me talking up in yours...

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