Musician Forum - Band Discussion Board - BandMix

Why am I running into people who are assholes at every nearly every place where I've tried searching for music buddies, whether online or in person? For example, on pretty much every online message board: people who love to troll my threads, people who give up on me way too easily and who start pointing fingers and saying I'm making excuses when I point out a good reason for not going along with that person's suggestion. Also when it comes to social networks, why did I get friend requests from people who weren't willing to at least take the time to develope a friendship and come across more individuals who were much more reserved and only had a small number of friends on their page as opposed to someone who has 1,000 friends.

Also when posting physical copies of my request whether it was at Baton Rouge Community College, or Guitar Center, why did it reach people who had issues with time management, and who would contact me at times that were the most inconvienent for them, like while late for work, or late for class, or get contacted by individuals who wanted to invite me to play in their band instead? Also through physically posted ads, I also ran into people who didn't have the decency to call me back and tell me that they've changed their mind or that they were just messing with me. I'm of course, referring to a person who contacted me and showed an initial interest in playing music with me, and promised to get back to me, but NEVER heard from again, and who I would try to call back, and where the guy would just completely hang up on me after I introduced myself.

Also why am I running into people online (Baton Rouge Rocks, Craigslist and this site) who don't have the decency to point out EARLY on when a certain person cannot help me anymore or when something I'm doing is getting annoying or who are not smart enough to ask questions to clarify what I'm looking for or when something might be overwhelming or confusing the person?

poprockdude wrote:Why am I running into assholes everywhere?

Look in the mirror, asshole.

Mike Nobody wrote:

poprockdude wrote:Why am I running into assholes everywhere?

Look in the mirror, asshole.

Really? That's another thing I keep running into. People who wrongfully acuse me of being an asshole and who think I'm selfish or some other crap, when there's been a simple missunderstanding gone horribly wrong somewhere down the line, or when I turn a given person down because I don't want to waste his time due to him being committed to another music project. Heck, there have been instances when I had to call the music relationship off, and tried to keep that person as a general friend, but found out that the other person was in fact the asshole. He would tell me up front that my music was crap, or that he had plenty of friends and didn't need anymore.

Also there were times when I had to turn a given person down due to him living in a part of Baton Rouge that took 30 minutes or more to get to, making it inconvienent for both me (actually my parents) and him to take me to his place to jam.

Also there were times I had to turn a person down due to him not being available to hang out at a decent time. For example, instead of being able to hang out around 3:00pm to whenever, the earliest he'd be able to get off would be 9:00pm or 10:00pm.

All of these things don't make me an asshole. I was simply using common sense, and thinking about the other person first.

I feel sorry for those individuals on here who see me as an asshole, when in reality, I'm the one running into a bunch of assholes. I wouldn't feel the need to explain myself so much to people, or explain why a given person's suggestion isn't going to work, or work so hard to tell some nosy individuals to stop being disruptive in my topics.

Or even outside of this board, I wouldn't have to work so hard to try to get through a bunch of individuals who are not smart enough to take some time to develope a bond as friends before doing anything music related, or to call me when class or work ends instead of calling me while at work or when late for work or class.

Mike Nobody wrote:http://youtu.be/sen8Tn8CBA4

Stop wasting my time sharing these videos, or trolling my topics, thinking it's cool. Help me learn how to reach individuals who are smart enough to ask questions when something isn't clear to them, and who are smart enough to contact me when he's at home doing nothing of importance, and at a decent time during the afternnoon, rather than during the late hours of the night, as well as individuals who smart enough to contact me about what I'm putting together, and not to invite me to be part of his already ongoing project.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I've had to change my ad to try to prevent a certain type of musician from responding, but they still didn't think straight. What is up with people?

Why are you jacking all of my threads TheJohnny7band? I've seen you posting in other people's topics, and you have enough sense to answer that person's question or provide your own feedback in a friendly way.

But whenever you respond to my topics, your sharing some weird YouTube video, or posting some stupid picture, or trying to convince me to try a suggestion that I've stated will not be very effective.

I know how to make friends, and I can do that in my own time. I just need some help discovering some specific places in Baton Rouge where I'll have better luck finding a guy around my age who I can become good friends with who happens to play keyboard and LOVES pop and soft rock from the 70s to the present, and is a little bit more advanced than me and who would be glad to show me how to do mixing and recording using a keyboard and computer.

Maybe try a local church or a bar.

Thejohnny7band wrote:Maybe try a local church or a bar.

NO! Those are the extremes I'm trying to avoid reaching. Bars are going to attract people who love to get drunk, and do drugs, and churches attract individuals who are devoted to God and Christianity and say no to ANY secular pop music whether it's by people as contraversial as Madonna, Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga or Adam Lambert, or someone who doesn't have any contraversy surrounding their music like Matt Nathanson, Richard Marx, or Kris Allen.

Also I'm looking for a singular individual. Someone who isn't all that active in his community, and is mostly trying to get through life without making any huge waves.

Thejohnny7band wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLrpBLDWyCI

Again, what the heck? That is NOT why I fail. I'm using common sense here. I'm trying to reach the middle ground. Someone around my age who might belong to say a video gaming club, but doesn't doesn't go to bars or clubs, and isn't involved with going to church.

I think I can offer some friendly, constructive advice so please take it as such.

Firstly, people are weird and musicians or artists seem to to be more so. I'm weird, you're weird, we're all weird. You should feel lucky if 1 out of 100 people you try to connect with on any kind of level are compatible. So is the law of averages.

Next, you may want to try a different tactic with your posts here. We can't tell if you're looking for feedback or need to just vent. You very well may have an abundance of assholes in your area, but that doesn't help you here and makes you sound like a victim. (Which is blood in the water to anonymous Internet tough guys) A short, simple post here pasted with the text of your last ad asking for people's constructive feedback would be a better way. Again law of averages says you'll catch the occasional sh*t, but toughen up and you might just get some nuggets of wisdom. Which leads me to...

Never have anything negative in your ad - even if you're a negative person. No one wants to hear how your last 50 ads brought out the local assholes or why it's so hard finding the right fit, etc. None of that matters. Try humbling up a little, call these past flakes you've encountered and take the high road. Ask for the truth about why they're not interested anymore because you'd like to make your future ads more effective.

Concentrate on posting your musical or professional goals. Are you trying to put together an album? A tour? Just have fun? Be the best Tom Waits cover band ever? This will insure at least the people who contact you will know at least what YOU want to accomplish. Please don't say you want to take the Industry by storm or other such amateur naivete's.

Also, it's OK to be specific about what you want from them, but you need to be realistic. Everyone would love to jam with the next Steve Vai, Maynard Keenan or Keith Moon, but let's face it those are the guys who aren't really messing around with weirdos on craigslist. Same goes for influences or any hard and fast "must haves". I've seen ads before where candidates MUST be between 18-20, have pro gear, be able to leave girlfriends, play 64th notes at 220BPM and look good in tight jeans. Don't be that guy.

Good luck and harden up already. You'll be fine.

JackoDrummer wrote:I think I can offer some friendly, constructive advice so please take it as such.

Firstly, people are weird and musicians or artists seem to to be more so. I'm weird, you're weird, we're all weird. You should feel lucky if 1 out of 100 people you try to connect with on any kind of level are compatible. So is the law of averages.

Next, you may want to try a different tactic with your posts here. We can't tell if you're looking for feedback or need to just vent. You very well may have an abundance of assholes in your area, but that doesn't help you here and makes you sound like a victim. (Which is blood in the water to anonymous Internet tough guys) A short, simple post here pasted with the text of your last ad asking for people's constructive feedback would be a better way. Again law of averages says you'll catch the occasional sh*t, but toughen up and you might just get some nuggets of wisdom. Which leads me to...

Never have anything negative in your ad - even if you're a negative person. No one wants to hear how your last 50 ads brought out the local assholes or why it's so hard finding the right fit, etc. None of that matters. Try humbling up a little, call these past flakes you've encountered and take the high road. Ask for the truth about why they're not interested anymore because you'd like to make your future ads more effective.

Concentrate on posting your musical or professional goals. Are you trying to put together an album? A tour? Just have fun? Be the best Tom Waits cover band ever? This will insure at least the people who contact you will know at least what YOU want to accomplish. Please don't say you want to take the Industry by storm or other such amateur naivete's.

Also, it's OK to be specific about what you want from them, but you need to be realistic. Everyone would love to jam with the next Steve Vai, Maynard Keenan or Keith Moon, but let's face it those are the guys who aren't really messing around with weirdos on craigslist. Same goes for influences or any hard and fast "must haves". I've seen ads before where candidates MUST be between 18-20, have pro gear, be able to leave girlfriends, play 64th notes at 220BPM and look good in tight jeans. Don't be that guy.

Good luck and harden up already. You'll be fine.

YES! Finally, someone who is approaching this correctly. Granted, some of his advice he's giving about wording my ad I haven't even been doing, but it's better.

And just so you know, sir, I'm not negative in my ad. I'm very positive. Second, I am in fact doing this for fun only, but at the same time, my requests always reach individuals who want to invite me to play in their already formed band, as opposed to a single guy who is making his way through college or has a small part-time day job, and just happens to love playing some good quality pop and soft rock music.

Also another thing that makes this search difficult is trying to reach someone who lives 5 or 10 minutes away when my ad seems to reach someone who lives 30 or 45 minutes away. This is important becuase I'm legally blind and thus he would need to be able to drive, and also provide the necessary music room.

Also I'm not the guy who has to have pro gear or give up day job or boyfriend/girlfriend, but I'm looking for a guy around my age who loves po and soft rock music and can help me expand my sound and show me how to create my own dance-pop and sweeping synth ballads.